IT COULD HAVE BEEN WORSE
Shortly before former Uefa secretary general Hans Bangerter commissioned the current incarnation of Big Cup, its designer Jürg Stadelman and his father went to his office and covered the floor with drawings of different trophies. “He made comments like ‘The Bulgarians would like the bottom of that’,” Stadelman would later recall. “‘The Spaniards would like this but the Italians would prefer that and the Germans would go for this.’ We put the design together like a jigsaw puzzle.” It remains unclear whether or not Stadelman specified that Bangerter insisted on making the mouth of the trophy wide enough so that one day, decades in the future, Lucas Hernandez might hit upon the innovative and unprecedented wheeze of sticking his head inside and prancing about with it, but that seems to be the image that most captivated football fans after Bayern Munich won the trophy on Sunday night.
Well, that and the sight of an inconsolable Neymar sobbing such rivers of salty tears that the Paris Saint-Germain poster boy would have been in danger of drowning had his head been squeezed inside an upturned pot. Despite showing the occasional flash of genius, the Brazilian did not enjoy one of his better games, what with being thwarted at almost every attempted turn by the ungainly German Duracell bunny that is Thomas Müller. “Losing is part of the sport,” he or one of his PR minions wrote on his Social Media Disgrace Twitter account. “We try everything, we fight until the end. Thanks for the support and affection from everyone. Congratulations Bayern.”
Thomas Müller shows PSG’s A-list attacking unit how to be a winner | Barney RonayRead more
With PSG’s latest effort to win Big Cup for their Qatari overlords having ended in failure, their collection of superstars will have time now to lick their wounds and reflect on what might have been before beginning their latest assault on the French title they have made their own next – Fiver checks notes – Saturday. The players of Bayern, by contrast, have three weeks before their first game of the new season, a German Cup game against crack outfit Eintracht To Be Confirmed.
“I’ve not set a deadline for when the party has to stop,” roared their manager, Hansi Flick. “It’s only right to celebrate when you win something. You have to have a party and I don’t know when that party will end.” If their party lasts as long as those fabled Brazilian knees-ups the vanquished Neymar has a habit of jetting home to Rio for, expect Bayern’s players to start taking things seriously again around November. Much like they did last year.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“[Nice coach Sandro] Salvioni thought I was a gangster because when I shake his hand I always had my cap on. I was aggressive and from the street and, because people [verbally] abused me, really angry. He said: ‘Patrice, if you keep not being educated you won’t play.’ He didn’t pick me and one day I scratched his car with my keys” – Patrice Evra takes Donald McRae to his favourite Battersea park bench and holds forth on the fight against racism, starting his career in Sicily and life with Lord Ferg.
View image in fullscreenWell worth a read. Photograph: Linda Nylind/The Guardian
RECOMMENDED LISTENING
It’s the Football Weekly Big Cup final special.
Football Weekly
Bayern Munich crowned European champions
Sorry your browser does not support audio – but you can download here and listen $https://audio.guim.co.uk/2020/08/24-28141-gnl.fw.20200823.sj.fw2308.mp3
00:00:0001:00:05
FIVER LETTERS
“A doff of the cap to the great Sevilla, a club that now finds it so easy to win Big Vase that they now specifically employ someone (yes, I’m looking at you Diego Carlos) to give the opposition a penalty in the quarter-final, semi-final and even the final just to give themselves a challenge … and still win it anyway” – Noble Francis.
“While James Bollington may deserve the letter o’the day (Friday’s Fiver letters), can there be a special mention for Kenny Munro for not only making it to the very end of the previous day’s Fiver but also admitting it in public” – Mike Benson.
Send your letters to [email protected]. And you can always tweet The Fiver via @guardian_sport. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’the day is … Rollover.
NEWS, BITS AND BOBS
The end of Arsenal’s Women’s Big Cup campaign against PSG has got boss Joe Montemurro on the defensive, a bit like his match tactics. “In hindsight it was a good opportunity to go for it more but then you get exposed in doing so,” he sighed.
View image in fullscreenArsenal keeper Manuela Zinsberger coming pressure during the 2-1 defeat. Photograph: Villar López/AFP/Getty Images
Trouble at Málaga is deepening after the club notified players of their plans to “begin a collective dismissal procedure”.
Frank Lampard’s Chelsea are on the verge of an agreement with Leverkusen over a £90m deal for Kai Havertz and confident about also signing Thiago Silva on a free.
Arsenal could be about to send Ainsley Maitland-Niles to Wolves if they can stump up £20m for the defender.
And Norwich City have signed Jordan Hugill from West Ham for a fee in the region of £5m. “I’m a big, physical presence who will batter a defender around, so quite old school,” he cheered.
STILL WANT MORE?
No shots, no assists, no dribbles, but Thomas Müller still showed PSG’s superstars how it’s done, explains Barney Ronay.
In terms of the success of the Qatar sportswashing project, it may not matter that PSG lost Big Cup final, writes a leather elbow-clad Jonathan Wilson.
View image in fullscreenMaybe it was this image, after all. Photograph: Xinhua/REX/Shutterstock
Ligue Urrrrrrn is back, baby and Eric Devin has the skinny on opening weekend.
Oh, and if it’s your thing … you can follow Big Website on Big Social FaceSpace. And INSTACHAT, TOO!
